Why Don’t Those Parents Just Get Help?!?!

   Have you ever wondered why some parents don’t “just get help” for their kids?  You know, the kids who appear to always be in trouble but in reality have probably been through more trauma in their lives than most adults experience in a lifetime. The kind of trauma that gets them quickly labeled as thugs and illicits other nasty name-calling by adults who should know better. Oh, and their parents, are somehow to blame. It’s the parent’s fault that they were put through hell before adopted, played like a ping pong ball in divorce or foster care, bullied on the bus, assaulted by someone that should have been trustworthy, involved in a bad wreck, or a million other traumatic events that developed into emotional issues sometimes expressed behaviorally. Those parents also should somehow be able to create treatment programs out of thin air and force existing, full ones, to accept their children. Sure. Why not?

     “Why don’t those parents just do something? Can’t they see that the child needs help?” Those words certainly do roll off the tongue easily…

     Nevermind that the application process can be much harder than getting someone accepted to college, and there are not enough appropriate treatment options. That aside, there is often little help from even systems, like outpatient counseling programs or post-adopt services, who promised to help some folks. However, there will never be a shortage of people to point fingers for any imperfections–even if they failed to help when obligated to do so.

     Costs are astronomical. This is a quote from a recent program. I assure you, this is the norm among ones who are not supported by faithful congregations and other folks–we need more of those supportive people. (That mission field is WIDE open…)

     “Costs for treatment:

One time enrollment fee of $2,500
Monthly $6,850.00 of which on average $4,000-$4,200 is therapy services. The therapy services can be billed to your insurance company as a claim, filed by you.”

     The program will not bill insurance, and your insurance may decline. You are encouraged to apply for multiple personal loans to secure financing or do whatever it takes.Treatment is expensive. They do have a lot of liability, security, and staff. You also definitely want trained therapeutic staff–at least access to some Master’s Level or higher clinicians  in some key positions, plus your facility psychologist and psychiatrist or medical practitioner. 
   

  The next time you hear someone suggest that parents need to “just do something,” thank them for volunteering  to pay for the $31,000 treatment program. 

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Photos Speak Volumes

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This is a picture of currently available mental health and crisis services for people in many states. Some pieces are broken and smashed to dust. Others are completely missing. They no longer all connect, but only by the grace of God, some light still gets through.

This is also a picture of currently available mental health and crisis services for people in many states. It is an actual vehicle windshield that has been kicked by a child.  A child who was sent home less than 24 hours prior to the damage from an ER crisis assessment by a contractual worker in which the parent was dismissed and armed with only a paper behavior contract and a referral to the worker’s employer for outpatient counseling. Nevermind that the parent had clearly stated the child’s history of trauma, past failed attempts at outpatient, and other clinical issues. Nevermind that the child had been so distraught and out of control (mental health and grief issues not discipline issues) that a handful of police officers physically had to carry the child to assist in de-escalation and transportation to the ER. The worker indicated that risk to harm self or others was no longer enough for the child to be hospitalized in order to become stable and transitioning to appropriate treatment. He would have to state that he wanted to kill himself or someone else. Jumping out of a moving car would not be enough intent to harm self unless he stated he was trying to kill himself, and throwing objects at someone or grabbing a steering wheel was not intent to harm others unless he would specifically state he was trying to kill them. 

This is where it got worse:  the contractual crisis worker was fixated on whether or not the parent would profess some type of refusal to take the child back home with only the outpatient referral and behavior contract. The worker told the child, who already had residual attachment and trauma issues from time stuck in the child welfare system (from which the child was already rescued and adopted,) that if he did not go home he would be placed back in foster care. That is absolutely unacceptable as “mental health treatment” or treatment of another human being. Period. The crisis assessment actual made a bad situation even worse and more dangerous. Consequently, the child became extremely upset later but refused to see a counselor for fear he would never see his adoptive family again if he had to be hospitalized. This is how the windshield fared in that conversation… 

Unfortunately, this is not at all an uncommon scenario among families in which a child is unable to access appropriate mental services. Youth who have a history of trauama or attachment issues fall inot this category. It appears that the percentage of children with significant residual mental health issues that have been in foster and adoption services is much higher than actually reported.